If You Feel Bad Then Your Thinking Is Bad!

The vision in my left eye is now much better than my right eye following my cataract operation last week, so the one which was really bad is now really good, and now I am complaining about the sight in my right eye!

How weird is that? When the cataract in my left eye was so bad that I couldn’t see anything out of it except blurred images I was very grateful for the right eye being as good as it was. Yet now that I can see so well with my left eye I am no longer happy with the right because I am comparing it to the good sight in my left.

How we compare ourselves affects us

Isn’t this so true in life – if we compare ourselves with the very successful rich and happy people we can become discouraged, but if we switch our thoughts to the disadvantaged people who in some cases don’t have shelter or food to eat we suddenly feel better because by comparison we are very fortunate.

When I was comparing the right eye to the bad left eye I was very happy indeed to have such good sight in the right eye even though I needed both long and short sighted glasses. Now that I don’t need glasses to see long distances in my left eye, the right eye is now a hindrance because I still need glasses for my right eye. So I am caught between one eye needing glasses and one not!

I going back to the QMC hospital in Nottingham for a check-up on Wednesday and I will be asking them I can have a cataract operation on my right eye to balance the two out. I have the start of a cataract in my right eye so it would be so good to have both eyes the same where I wouldn’t need glasses for distances and would only need a pair of glasses for reading.

Re-frame technique

The techniques I teach in my new book Off the Wall demonstrate how you can alter the way you feel by what you focus on. If you have just had some bad news and your mood has shifted in a negative way, you can change the way you feel by what you think about next. If you continue to focus on the bad news you will continue to feel bad. The longer you do this the longer you will have negative feelings.

However if you focus your thinking onto something more positive your feelings will start to change and by Law of Attraction what you feel is what you attract. So a technique I mention is an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) technique called a Re-frame. This is where you simply look for something good in the situation which appears to be only negative.

Out of every adversity is a seed of equal or greater benefit

Most experts in this field believe that there is a seed of positivity in every negative situation if you look for it. I have made it an automatic response that when something negative happens in my life (which is numerous times each day as we live in a challenging world where life can be tough) I immediately look for the positive and I usually find it.

I was coaching one of my clients this week and he described a journey he had to a conference and the Motorway suddenly closed and it took him 6 hours to get there. When he finally arrived he only had an hour there before the long journey back. When he came to see me he felt that the day was a complete washout and couldn’t see anything positive in the situation.

Once we had talked for a bit he identified the following:

1. His character grew through the experience because the only time we grow in character and comfort zone is when we are under pressure. When we are not under pressure we are resting and recovering
2. He could have turned back at any time and given up but he didn’t and this demonstrated his inner core strength to never give up – he got to his destination
3. He met a few people when he was down there to follow up
4. He came away with a delegate list which could be a gold mine as he follows these up
5. He has the itinerary for the day so he is going to follow up all the speakers he missed for them to send him the slides of their presentation so he can watch what he missed and by making personal contact with them this may lead to other things
6. He now knows when the next conference is so he can book this in
7. He feels good about himself because he didn’t waste the day but made the most out of a negative situation
8. He beat his inner Chimp which would have been screaming to turn round and go home

An amazing number of positive things we identified from a 5 min discussion. It just goes to show you that you can choose what you focus on and with practice you can Re-frame negative situations every time.

This week has been a fun week with a fab time on BBC radio Nottingham reviewing the papers on Monday’s breakfast show, and a great meeting on Wednesday with an amazing business leader who I am getting to know really well. Then a really good coaching session on Thursday and a very positive meeting with the CEO of a leading Nottingham institution for potential work on Friday. I also had a really good briefing from an Managing Director of a company whose two directors I am coaching this month.

Tips for the week:

1. Remember that every time something negative happens in your life you can try to find the seeds of positivity in these. It takes practice but is worth it
2. The way you feel is often down to what you are focussing on.
3. If you are feeling bad you can be sure that your thinking is bad. If you want to know how your thinking is doing, just observe how you are feeling. If you feel good your thinking is good, if you feel bad your thinking is bad
4. If you want to change your feelings quickly then just use Gratitude. Simply go through a list of things you are grateful for like: the car you own, the food you enjoy, the shelter you have, the fresh air you enjoy, the clothes you wear, the relationships you have. If you do this within a few minutes you will be feeling better

Well that’s it for this week and I hope you enjoy these blogs. Please do contact me to say hello anytime as I really enjoy writing these and hopefully inspiring and helping people.

Have a great weekend and choose to stay positive.

Warm regards

John